I have been hijacked by a compulsive desire to connect with my fellow human. I have no idea who I am any more. It is possible, I now realise, for paradigmatic shifts to occur within a single consciousness. I wish everyone in the world could know what this feels like. Maybe they do.
Medication has given me a way back to myself. I would rather die than go without it. I mean that literally (not figuratively).
I have come to realise it is necessary to purge your life of toxicity if your mind is to be exorcised of its demons. Or maybe it’s the other way round come to think of it.
Whatever you say or do, always remember the you you think you are did not say or do anything. With this beguilingly simple insight, one is able to live a life unperturbed by so-called second-order mental effects. Or so they say.
During one of our recent lunchtime perambulations, a colleague informed me, apropos to a conversation we were having about polygamy as it so happens, that I come across as assertive. I asked her to clarify and without hesitating, she replied ‘you just exude confidence, you know.’ I didn’t know, no. As far as I could tell, pretty much the opposite was true. I mean it wasn’t so long ago I couldn’t even leave the house. Okay, maybe it was six years ago, but it feels more recent is the point. I could tell by the tone of my colleague’s voice that she wasn’t being entirely complimentary, especially when she further clarified without my prompting: ‘it’s like you know exactly who you are and what you want and how to get it.’ Not that she was criticising me as such. She was just calling it as she saw it. Which is fair enough. It’s one of the things I like about this colleague, that she says what she thinks, hence why I go walking with her on a relatively frequent basis.