Darkly comic and absurdist fiction

The five-minute consultation

#desensitized #bat #metempsychosis

Noah Blue · 2 min read

Doctor (sighing, couldn’t sound less interested): what seems to be the problem today?

Ding-a-fucking-ling

The phenomenology of depression

Noah Blue · 13 min read

The fact of the matter was I didn’t want to die. I’d spent a long time thinking I did, but when it came right down to it I didn’t. Any kind of life, even a shitty one like mine, was better than no life at all.

X was the problem

Or was he?

Noah Blue · 15 min read

X was the problem. Y was a docile character and rarely spoke. Maybe he was capable of something, but whatever it was it was clear he would never actually get around to doing it.

Blob on blob

We all do it

Noah Blue · 1 min read

Animal chat

Telling it how it is

Noah Blue · 1 min read

Man on a plane

A simple tale of airline tyranny

Noah Blue · 2 min read

The flight attendant is clearly unsure of the protocol in this situation.

Hara kiri

Writing well matters

Noah Blue · 4 min read

I wonder if you could explain why I got a B minus? I mean, I felt it was an authentic piece, not as technically accomplished as I’d have liked it to be, sure, but certainly a notch or two above the derivative pap my peers routinely turn out

I am a big fat phony

Unfiltered

Noah Blue · 16 min read

I am a big fat phony. Right now, for example, I am at my desk busy tapping out an email to a colleague about something I don’t give two shits about, even though I am giving the distinct impression that I do.

Mr Two Fucks

A crime caper (of sorts)

Noah Blue · 46 min read

I have a problem. Allow me to elucidate. A certain someone, let’s call him Mr Two Fucks, has been sabotaging my work, clumsily and without guile, it is true, nevertheless sabotage is sabotage.

a (gratuitously) bawdy caper with capitalist undertones

#white-collar worker

Noah Blue · 18 min read

The office is dank and smells of onions and something else that I don’t know the noun for. The guy on the other side of the desk has a handlebar moustache and a nervous twitch. He is staring at me and I am staring at him, neither of us inclined to say anything.

there is no such thing as free will

To state the obvious

Noah Blue · 13 min read

I am alone, unless you count the dog as company. A whole day with nothing to do stretches out in front of me. I make a cup of coffee and read over the story I wrote the night before. It’s about a man who lives alone with his dog; a whole day with nothing to do stretches out in front of him.

Absinthe

A story that disappears up its own rectum

Noah Blue · 12 min read

The meeting ends with each of us being escorted by our respective henchmen away from the clandestine location. My henchmen are in a jovial mood, having probably taken illicit substances whilst they were waiting for me.

A Short Story About a Man Who Writes Novels

Experimental ones

Noah Blue · 30 min read

S writes a novel that can at best be described as experimental and at worst an abject failure. S doesn’t see this, not to begin with. As far as he is concerned it’s an authentic work of literature, maybe a little abstruse in places and perhaps parsimonious when it comes to the use of similes (although not metaphors strangely enough), but otherwise artistically sound. In other words, not a prize-winning novel (not that S is in it to win prizes, although he has no problem with them in principle, and would gladly accept one, were it ever to come his way, which it won’t) but solid, good enough, an eight out of ten let’s say, on a good day.